CLOSER TO THE HEART
“Say that again, and I!….”
For a few seconds, seconds that could as well have been years, the mask got shattered under the violent assault of anger and hate. How dared she! How dared this Clan scum blame him this way, point the finger at him! He had tried to save Jen! – to help her escape from their hands! – before the drug’s effects would be too strong, before…
“Say what again?” she smirked. “That you risked her life?” He didn’t finish his sentence, forcing himself to calm down, to unclench the fists, to put on the mask again That was deliberate provocation from her, and he really shouldn’t fall for it, nor gave her the pleasure of gaining the upper hand. And he very well knew that if he wasn’t able to keep in control, he’d end up with his ands around her throat, and it would be too late.
“…You simply can’t understand how much I care for her”, he finally managed to smile, although he was aware that the smile wasn’t as controlled as he would have wished.
“Then tell me, since I obviously don’t know! I don’t even know who you are! How can I know you’re not working to destroy her?” And she added something odd: “Sometimes… two minds don’t think alike at all…”
Heiji couldn’t prevent himself from slightly chuckling at this comment. Weird woman. Able to hurt him with a single sentence, then suddenly making almost naive statements that he found extremely amusing. She had understood part of it, but she’d never be able to guess what exactly him and Jen were, not unless he told her. And it’d be a long, long time before he took such a decision. She didn’t really understand his point of view, which was normal. How could have she guessed that he had a back-up, that he knew the aircraft would follow, sooner or later - or at least, suspected… and hoped? Yes, it had been a haphazardous move… a great risk to take… but she could say whatever she wanted, how could he have guessed that their intentions wasn’t to kill Jen – to hurt her – to keep her prisoner? I did what needed to be done. I had no choice! I couldn’t know– I couldn’t… Was it sounding like a plea, an excuse to blind himself? He had had no chance of suspecting, at the time, no chance…
And again, she said something surprising.
“But…for whatever it’s worth..I’m glad to see she…you…both of you…whatever…made it…” He looked at her, slightly surprised. Was she really convinced that he would believe that? Unless it was the truth… the grim truth…
“It’s hard to believe such words, you know it.”
“You can believe what you want. I know what I know.”
“Yes, that’s true. Maybe believing you would make my promise easier to keep, in fact”, he was forced to admit. Part of him wanted her dead so much. Part of him wanted to keep the promise… to find more, desperate reasons for him to keep it. Elicia Washko… If she had wanted Jen dead, it would have been done, he knew it as well as her, but…
He flashed a quick glance toward the door on his right, and at the people who were beginning to enter. Some Atrox guy running with a knife. Some other customers. The place would soon become too crowded for the both of them to discuss, and… Wait, why are we here? he suddenly thought, realizing that he could simply had walked away, and left this woman where she was standing, instead of looking at her, talking to her, feeling the hate crawling in his guts, cold and warm at the same time. There was something terribly wicked in this fact, something terribly… wrong. And it could cause Jen some serious problems later if someone was to see the both of them together. Yet the truth, here also, was a twisted one. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay, to push her a little, to unveil what she was suspecting about him, to see to which extent she could find what he was. And also, there was a sort of wicked pleasure in talking to her, too. Guessing the fear that was still creeping in her eyes, far behind the clinic gaze. Taking delight on his own hate, for feelings were making him more alive than he had ever been. Hate, love. Wee these two so far from each other, after all? Love, hate. Both causes of these feelings… here with him. Sleeping Jen. And wary Elicia.
“You hate me so much, and you won’t even tell me why…”
He stared back at her, slightly smirking. Hate. If only she could knew how he really felt. He was aware that letting the mask slip again would be a mistake, but though… such a strong feeling couldn’t be hidden any longer, and they both knew it. Thus he simply spoke the truth, oddly appreciating the sound of these very words.
“Yes. I hate you.”